Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
