only if we run a train.
done.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
