Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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