I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
