I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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