they need to just BURY HIM!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
