Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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