Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
