I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
