I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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