i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
