You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
