is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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