What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize