What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
