I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
