im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What a dumb baby whore.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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