Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
