Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
