im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
