Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
