apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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