I wish I could punch you in the face.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
