I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
the condom got lost in my hair
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize