my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
