if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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