does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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