I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
