So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
