i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize