why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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