im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
