I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
