fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize