I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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