Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I cut my penus on the lid.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
