I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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