i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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