just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize