We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
