I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
