I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
