Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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