yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
