after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
ugly people sure do ruin things
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
