he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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