Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
