we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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