Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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