he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
