it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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