I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
