Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
