Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I forget how to act sober
Randomize