dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the condom got lost in my hair
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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