I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
