I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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