Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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