Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
All Iāve had today is sex and water. I think itās time for tacos.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesnāt faze me that much.
What part of āthe stripper has a gun, we need to leaveā is confusing you? Sheās drunk, sheās fucking crazy and NOW SHEāS PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
