so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We are all done wearing pants today
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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