Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
