He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
