After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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