last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
