I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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