why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
