I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
