I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
