Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
