sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
its liver damage thursday
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
