WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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