Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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