Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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