DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
