I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
