nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I need a burrito and a hug.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
