My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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