Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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