Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
