I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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